Now, I’m a fairly goofy-looking guy myself. Like Michael, I have short piston legs, a long torso, and ludicrously large feet. However, Michael also has huge hands and a wingspan roughly equivalent to that of a giant condor. His body produces 50 percent less lactic acid than other humans, allowing him to recover from muscle pain in minutes instead of hours. He’s a science experiment!

In fact, Michael Phelps may be the goofiest-looking guy ever to receive endorsements from the likes of Omega watches, Speedo, Visa, Argent, and AT&T among others. And that was before his Beijing solid gold smack-down. According to Brandweek, Kellogg and PowerBar have already lined up to hand over more moolah for use of the Phelpster’s buck-toothed, big-eared countenance.

According to the Baltimore Sun, “One in five children can hyper-extend a body joint. Four months before his 19th birthday, Phelps remains double-jointed in his elbows, knees and ankles, which allows him to explore positions few other swimmers can. His shoe size is 14, and those feet act like giant flippers.”

It’s just a darn good thing someone threw little Michael in the pool when he was a pup. He would be downright scary squeezing soft-serve at Dairy Queen.

WHICH BRINGS UP A POINT. Years ago, Colors magazine did a feature on the optimal body types for different sports. Not everyone can be an Olympic swimmer, can they? It turns out that a tiny, compact body is just perfect for riding a Derby-winning racehorse. Who’d have guessed it, a really tall guy like Yao Ming (so tall he still looks skinny at 310 pounds) is best for stardom in the NBA. And in the “there’s hope for us all” category, rolls of belly fat are actually an advantage to smooth, fluid motion in pro billiards. Minnesota Fats and Willie Shoemaker were just as fortunate as Michael Phelps. They all managed to find the perfect situation to accommodate their particular brand of goofy.

I don't know about you, but I consider my brain to be far goofier than my body. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all found the perfect fit for our talents, whether inside or out?

—Loyd Boldman