It’s called “experience advertising,” ads that are “creative, strange, and three-dimensional.” It also doesn't hurt that most of these “innovations,” like ads on the inside of bathroom stall doors and videos beamed at you while you’re getting your teeth cleaned, are directed at captive audiences.

EnVision Marketing Group of Little Rock, Arkansas, recently announced their “innovation” of the first advertising on grocery store conveyor belts. Apparently, marketers won’t rest until every square inch of available blank space is encrusted with ads like barnacles on the Titanic, little Pac-Men gobbling up the visual landscape. Or like Ricky Bobby’s Wonder Bread uniform.

As advertising flattens into the world of lighted browser screens, the only thing left may be to jump out in unexpected places like Inspector Clouseau’s crazed manservant Kato attacking him ever day to keep him alert. And, I might add, in a perpetual state of paranoia.

Virginia-based marketing firm RedPeg calls this “emotional touch point marketing.” That’s what I would call it, too, if you replace “emotional” with “insidious” and “marketing” with “mind-numbing, creeping soul-squashing.”

It’s only one small step from those omnipresent inflatable “sky dancers” that you see at every apartment complex and fast-food restaurant opening. It pulls your attention, but then, so does a python eating a chihiaua.

What’s next, neon billboards on golf courses? All the better to reach those affluent executives! There are already video ad screens mounted in golf carts, so that’s not really a stretch. Ads etched inside your contact lenses? Sign me up! Jingles distributed through bone conduction, plugged directly into your skull?

Stay tuned. There may be a Wizmark in your future.